Yes, Women Are Having Sex. No, Not With You.
Shifting sexual dynamics signify shifting cultural dynamics. Let’s break down changes in human sexuality in recent years.
What if women dated who they wanted instead of being forced or coerced to date?
The entire world is changing. Everything is moving so fast it feels almost impossible to keep up. This is especially true concerning human relationships.
The sexual revolution that’s unfolded over the last century has given men and women more equal choice when it comes to deciding whom to date, whom to mate, and whom to marry — or if they’ll marry altogether.
The entire world is going through collective growing pains because our conception of relationships is evolving. Different people are discovering different ways to answer the romance question.
The idea that you grow up, meet someone, fall in love, and marry young is no longer the only way to live. People have more options, and they’re exercising those options, with more women choosing to delay marriage and children into their 30s— if they get married and have kids.
This, of course, comes with some discomfort.
What was a streamlined process with archaic rules and rituals has now become a process carried out under the whims of free association.
Freedom of choice is a beautiful thing — but it’s also challenging.
It begs us to make the right choices, and we’re now wholly responsible for those choices. This carries a heavy burden.
To see how our conception of relationships has evolved, you only need to consider that for the first time in history (written history, that is), women choose who they want to be with based on how that person makes them feel.
This is a massive transformation. It’s revolutionary.
Think about it: just over a century ago, marriage was an institution that’s main purpose was to solidify political and familial ties. People married people they didn’t know, didn’t like, weren’t attracted to, and often didn’t speak the same language as, all because their families or royal advisors told them they had to.
Women no longer have to marry men who force or coerce them into marriage or acquire defense from other violent men. They no longer must marry who their families say they must marry. This tremendous change has happened over less than 100 years.
It’s going to take some time for humanity to adapt.
The problem: many men still think they can buy affection and coerce women into relationships. It’s an outdated playbook.
In one of the most famous lines of cinematic history, Tony Montana said in Scarface, “In this country, you gotta get the money first. Once you get the money, then you get the power. Once you’ve got the money and the power, then you get the woman.”
Tragically, this line has influenced generations of men.
It’s so wrong.
Countless men are still operating on this outdated paradigm. No matter how often it fails them, they insist it will work someday.
It’s not that you can’t buy someone’s attraction, they believe; it’s that they don’t have enough money to buy attraction. Or they think they aren’t big enough jerks.
They talk about how women don’t want “nice guys” and how they want complete jerks.
They’re criticizing minute details and missing the big picture.
Something is very wrong here…
What Do Women Want?
A full fifty-eight years before Scarface was released in 1983, Sigmund Freud told us that after thirty years of studying people in intimate detail, there was one thing he couldn’t figure out: what do women want?
He also said that women “oppose change, receive passively, and add nothing of their own,” so let’s not take relationship advice from either Freud or Tony Montana.
It’s insane how regularly men misunderstand women, all while insisting that women don’t understand themselves.
I’m sure in psychology, they call that projection.
Men project an overly simplified fantasy of what they think women think, want, and feel onto women themselves. They do this hoping to understand them better, so they can (in their minds) better control them.
It’s the same reason we invented thousands of gods that have now been relegated to the cute subject of mythology. These gods are supposed to be responsible for various events outside of human control.
It helps us feel like we have a slight semblance of control over the unknown, uncontrollable, and desirable (weather, crops, health, etc.).
But what women want is surprisingly simple. It’s not as tantalizing as money-power-respect lines, but still, it’s a doozy.
You ready for it?
Women want the same things men want.
Sure, those things might take different characteristics depending on the sex (most of the time but not always), but still…
We all want love, affection, security, to have goals, to be surrounded by friends and family, to feel well-adjusted to our environments — and yes, we all want sex.
If you ask men and women to list their sexual fantasies, the most common fantasy in both sexes is the same — a romantic connection.
Women want sex too. And they’re having it.
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